"I praise You Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because You have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children." Matthew 11:25
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Sheng with his 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Walsh
First ever ride on a school bus!Since I last posted, our son has let us know that he prefers to be called Sheng, (pronounced Shung) so we are trying to get to know our son by his Chinese name instead of his English name. It's a bit hard because we've only known him as Brighton for an entire year, but he truly feels more comfortable with his Chinese name.
Let's see...we've done so much that it's hard to remember it all. Sheng LOVES to fish with his daddy! They go out in the canoe about every week. For Charly's birthday, we spent the entire weekend at Lake Limestone camping and he just loved every minute of it! (except the heat of course) They played in rafts, swam, and played badminton. It was quite a bit of fun! Sheng is also doing exceptionally well in archery. He is now a member of the Brazos 4-H Archery Club and never misses a meeting or practice.
I believe his most memorable day yet, though was his first day of school. I drove him on Monday to make sure he felt safe and to see how he reacted to being left at school. I lingered in the hallway, being nosy and he did just fine! He loved every minute of it, although he did say that it was too, too long and he was very tired. His teacher is just the most amazing woman I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. I'm thrilled that she's my son's teacher! He just adores her too. He rode the bus home and also loved that first experience as well. He got to sit next to his friend Tanner, who is also in his class at school.
Friday, July 13, 2007
He did have a melt down on Tuesday, brought on no doubt because I was sick and he didn't know what was going on. There's a stomach virus going around that includes a horrible headache and neck pain. My sister Tracy had it and thought she was dying, that's how nasty it is. It took me out and I couldn't function.
The girls took over, and Brighton didn't like the change in routine one bit. He REALLY did not like the girls telling him what to do and not to do. He wouldn't listen to Charly, she tried to translate what she was saying on the computer translator, and he kept laughing and pushing keys to mess her up so he didn't have to listen to what she was trying to tell him. I drug myself off the couch and let him know that I wasn't feeling well and to please listen to his sister. I did this twice before I told him that if he kept it up he was going to his room for a time out. He ended up getting the time out. It all played out pretty much like he was testing to see if I really would send him to his room because he kept signing, "no you won't."
He began to cry, then wail and moan. They were heartbreaking cries. I spent his time-out in his room with him so he would not feel abandoned and ended up spooned around him with a box of tissues. After about 10 minutes of uncontrollable sobs, he got up and went to his family photo album to retrieve a photo he had hidden behind another that I had never seen before. It was a photo of him standing with the entire orphanage staff. We snuggled there, on the bottom bunk, and he showed me everyone and told me a little about each one. I told him how sorry I was that he was missing them all and asked him if he wanted to write them a letter. He signed no, then hid the photo in his family photo album again. We talked about him minding and he signed he was sorry. We cuddled again and he gently pressed his cheek against my cheek and smiled. He was content to stay that way for quite awhile. We then got up when his time-out was over, and he went and apologized to his sisters. This was his first outward expression of grieving for lost family and friends in China. I'm certain it won't be the last.
Brighton has really taken to ice skating. He's actually getting pretty good at it. The last time we went he ended up falling on his elbow and it was bleeding in two places. He was a little upset by the blood, but just long enough to show his sister, gain her sympathy, and then he was up and going full throttle again. He wouldn't even get off the ice for a band-aid until the skate session was over.
Josh was here from Missouri over the weekend. He couldn't wait to meet Brighton, but was a little apprehensive around him due to the language barrier. I'm ordering a sign language program for Josh to do when he's not training. I hope the apprehension will cause him to want to learn to sign.
Dani is having a bit of trouble adapting to having a new brother here. She's not the 'baby' anymore and is having trouble sharing my attention. Every little thing Brighton does, she blows out of proportion, and I have to remind her of all of the things we talked about for the entire year we were waiting for him. It's a bit hard for her to think of the things he does in terms of something a younger child would do. even though he's the same size as her, he hasn't been in a family before, and he hasn't done many of the things a normal, younger child would do. He's having to go back and catch up.
One example of this is that she was in a tiff that he would actually get out of bed and play in his room at night. I had to remind her that she did the same exact thing when she was younger and so did her sister and brother. I reminded her that it was her idea years ago to get out of bed to play 'bunny hop' around the room, which resulted in Charly slipping and falling on the bed, splitting her head open, and a trip to the ER for stitches. I took her out for a 'date' to see Nancy Drew. I wasn't surprised that she hung on me most of the time. This is something she always used to do, until about a year ago. She just really needed the extra love and attention and to know that our relationship had not changed because we have a new family member.
I want to take a moment to talk about grieving. I really hope adoptive families understand how hard adoption can be on bio children. They are so eager to welcome their new brother or sister during the entire, long wait. This may change once the child is home. They may act out with behaviors we are not used to seeing from them, or act quite a bit younger than they actually are. Some might withdraw and become quiet and reserved, holding everything in and letting frustration build up. They may seem selfish and uncaring at times towards their new sibling. Telling them that they are being selfish will only make matters worse. A parent cannot expect adult behavior from a child. It helps to take the time to talk to them and to listen to their complaints without getting angry or jumping to conclusions. Quite often, the child will be able to see why they aren't being fair to a sibling, or are being selfish on their own while talking it over with a parent. We must remember that they are also grieving for a life that isn't the same anymore.
"...with God, all things are possible!" Matthew 19:26
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
I've been hearing some very negative responses to the impending rain that is most likely going to put a damper on the evenings festivities. I can assure everyone that the rain did not stop our men and women from fighting for our freedom! We may not see fireworks, but we can still join together in fellowship to remember those who died so that we might enjoy all of the liberties some take for granted today.
Today also marks another anniversary. On this day in 2001, a passenger on bus # 24 in Anshan City found a deaf little boy, approximately 4 years-old, abandoned by his parents and took him to the police station. They searched for his parents, but could not find them. This day marks the anniversary that An Sheng became an orphan.
This morning, I was awake at 3am again, which seems to be a daily ritual since being home. There were so many thoughts about what today holds in store for people, and I began to recollect what I experienced while in China. I would like to share some of these with you now.
Before I traveled, I was sure in my mind that Brighton's parents were not good people because they had abandoned their child. I felt that it didn't matter the circumstances, this is something no one should EVER do! We spend so much time and energy making sure our children are safe at all costs, why couldn't they? After much thought, I had planned to make up a positive story about Brighton's parents so that he wouldn't have any negative feelings towards them when he becomes and adult.
When I arrived at the airport in Chicago, my connecting flight to Beijing was delayed due to mechanical problems. Over the next 6 hours, I went from being frustrated to upset, until I found the area where most of the families returning to China were waiting. There were no happy faces in the crowd, and the children were crying and miserable. Little ones have a much harder time waiting than we adults do, although sometimes we adults act more like children in these situations than the little ones do.
As I looked around the room, I was curiously stared at, which was my first taste of being in the minority. I wondered about what they must be thinking about this lone, white American sitting amongst a large group of Chinese travelers. All the seats were taken, except for the seat next to me. A weary Chinese man entered the room with his luggage, and I quickly patted the seat next to me to let him know it was okay for him to sit there. He quickly struck up a conversation in his broken English, which was a relief. I would much rather have someone ask me what I'm doing rather than just sit there staring at me. He was so kind and taught me how to say several Chinese words. In return, I taught him to pronounce several English words. We both laughed at how hard it was to learn to pronounce letters and tones differently.
After a little time had passed, they announced that my flight would be leaving from a different gate. I quickly stacked my bags onto the cart I was pulling and headed to the other side of the airport where I finally met some of the families from Christian World Adoption that I would be traveling with. We had a few more delays, such as sitting on a hot, stalled plane for nearly an hour with no air conditioning or lights. The free gift United promised us was of little importance to the mothers trying to keep their sweating, hungry babies soothed. The lack of air conditioning was just a precursor to what I would come to experience in China.
Beijing is beautiful! The sights we saw were amazing. The Great Wall was an experience I will never forget. As I stood atop one of the highest points on the portion I climbed, I looked down in astonishment at the huge man-made structure. What flooded into my mind was wonder. Wonder at how many men it must have taken to carry the large stones up the mountain, and how many men must have fallen or had been crushed under the weight of the stones.
Every pre-paid sightseeing excursion we went on, we saw beautiful things, beautiful people, and beautiful buildings. We experienced the Forbidden City, with its many buildings and were able to peer inside the glassed in rooms to see how the emperors and empresses lived in the years long ago.
One of the families I was traveling with suggested that we take a tour that wasn't on our destination. It was called the Hutong Tour and it was by far the best part of the trip to Beijing. We were transported by rickshaws throughout the narrow streets of the ancient city surrounding the Forbidden City. We were able to see how most truly live, instead of just those more fortunate. There were so many people and places that truly looked so poor that I wanted to cry for them, but they seemed very unaware that they were even poor. There were children in the narrow streets with no underpants that were very dirty. They were playing happily with no cares in the world.
We visited Mrs. Chou's (not sure about the spelling) and were invited in to see her home and hear how she lives. We were fascinated to find out that most of the families there are able to leave, but do not want to. They live in tiny, close-knit communities that are more like large families. Ten families share a public bathroom and this is a very important meeting place every morning to say hello and get caught-up on daily happenings. This sense of community and the large family atmosphere are what ties the people together and they can't imagine leaving.
We also visited the a large marketplace there and were amazed at what they had to sell. Some of it was a bit scary, and there were a few things for sale that turned my stomach. There were many children running around the marketplace unsupervised. This shocked me at first, until I realized that everyone knew each other and they were looking out for one another. The children were really fascinated by us and were very happy to wave and smile for cameras. My ideas about poverty and living conditions were greatly challenged by this tour.
While in China, I learned that the Chinese have no social security or retirement funds to fall back on in old age. The sons are the ones who care for their elderly parents. This is the reason that it is so important to them to have a son and not a daughter. Times are changing, and so are values, but the old ways are still clinging to life. For the millions who are unsaved, they feel that there truly is no hope for the future unless they produce a son. This results in thousands of baby girls being abandoned each year in China. Children with disabilities are also abandoned so that families can try again for a healthy child. For most families, this is a heart-breaking, traumatic time for them, and they leave their warmly bundled children in places that are safe and that they know someone will find them in. The parents hope that someone kind will adopt their babies and keep them safe.
Most children who have physical deformities or medical conditions requiring surgery are abandoned by parents who have no way to care for their medical needs. They know that if they leave them on the steps of the hospital, their children will be cared for. I can't even imagine having to make this decision.
When I traveled to my son's birthplace, Anshan, China, it was a very cold, dirty place. It was a very sad trip and this, coupled with the problems I dealt with at the police station, made me want to get out of there as soon as possible. Being yelled at by communist police who know you are with a Christina adoption agency is a very frightening experience. There is so much more I want to write, but I was told not to and that all forms of communication are watched. In the United States we have no fear of writing what we feel like writing, or expressing ourselves, but in China, one must be very careful. Please take a minute to reflect on this freedom next time you talk on the phone, send a letter, post something to your blog or send an email.
I left China with a very different view of its people than I went in with. The people there are trying to live the best way they know how. Although the government is harsh, corrupt, and sometimes brutal, most of its people are beautiful and kind, and our Father loves these, His children, also. The bread of life is spreading like a wildfire amongst the Chinese and is a flame that will not be extinguished.
The Lord changed my heart on what I feel about Brighton's abandonment and how I feel about his biological parents. They are heavy on my heart and mind now, and I am so thankful that they left him in a safe place where they knew someone would take care of him. Brighton was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa and is deaf. These conditions are hereditary and he may be blind by the time he's an adult. His parents might be blind and deaf and may have had no way to care for him. I can not jump to conclusions because I have no idea what was going on in their lives at the time. This is true of all people. We never know what a person may be going through at the time, so we should always strive to be kind to everyone, regardless of what we may think or how they may be treating us.
Brighton's biological parents must have experienced overwhelming grief as they exited that bus. There is no anger left in me towards them, only love and a thread that binds us together forever. I will always be thankful for the opportunity to raise our child (theirs and ours) in a safe, loving home. I will be praying for their salvation for the rest of my life and hope that one day, in our Father's house, I may get the chance to meet them.
As I lay in my bed this morning thinking about all of these things, I found that I have a new respect for those who died so we can be free in this country. I am so thankful to our father in heaven for the gift of being able to raise this sweet boy to know the freedoms fought for and lived in the US, and most importantly, the hope and the freedom that can only come through our salvation through Christ who died for us so that we can have eternal life with Him.
Happy 4th of July!
Love, Tina
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. 2 Corinthians 3:17
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life." John 3:16
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
We have had some battles already that I attribute to normal childhood behavior, like him telling me no, begging for things when I tell him no, seeing how much he can get away with, that sort of thing. He learned to beg when I taught him the sign for please, and let me tell you...it's HARD not to give in when he's batting those long eyelashes! He is very independent and wants to do everything for himself. I'm sure this is from having to do things for himself at the orphanage. He's also very impatient, and I've had to get on him a few times about waiting. He hates to wash his hands, and rolls his eyes when I tell him it's time to brush his teeth. I give him a stern look and tell him not to roll his eyes and he gives me this innocent look while he's signing "sorry." He's just too, too cute!
Believe it or not, we communicate quite well! We seem to know what the other is saying quite easily through signs, facial features, gestures and eye contact. We've had some instances where we have to draw pictures, get out the Chinese/English picture dictionary, or get on the internet translator, but not very often. He is picking up sign language very quickly and knows almost the entire alphabet. We're working on writing his name in English, the alphabet, and home signs. I have been having him work on signing the alphabet every day. He is also writing cat, hat and bat in English, then in Chinese (while looking at pictures of a cat, hat and bat), then learning the signs for each. So far, he knows the signs for mom, dad, sister, brother, grandma, grandpa, aunt, cousin, hi, bye, please, thank you, sorry, behave, yes, no, maybe, a little, want, scared, happy, sad, mad, crying, funny, good, bad, home, car, airplane, phone, tv, game, hungry, thirsty, coffee, water, milk, banana, eat, more, you, I, children, go to sleep, wake up, brush teeth, shower, get dressed, go to the bathroom, look, walk, run, stop, go, sick, basketball, cat, dog, bat, and probably more I'm missing. He's VERY smart and learns fast!!!!!!! He can add, subtract, multiply, and is learning division. He writes Chinese characters REALLY well and reads them just as well. He is a bit hyper (feels like having a little Josh all over again) and doesn't like to sit for long, so we are only doing a little bit here and a little bit there and making most things into games for a longer attention span.
We haven't seen any really bad behaviors or any grieving yet. I know he will grieve at some point, so I'm trying to prepare for it and not get too complacent. There are so many wonderful moms that I know who have been a wealth of information for advice because they've been home for awhile with their children. I am SO thankful for having their support. Keep the advice coming friends!
He loves to play NBA Live on XBox and of course, he's always Yao Ming, his favorite player. His big brother, Doug, has been stopping by after work to play with him and they are a hoot to watch!
Yesterday, Brighton's aunt Tracy stopped by with his cousins, Austin and Autumn. They had a blast playing badminton. Tracy also brought a surprise with her. She had put a flyer with Brighton's picture on it and a jar next to it on the counter at Bealls, where she works, asking for donations for clothes for Brighton while I was in China. She brought him over $100 in gift cards to go shopping for clothes!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you to everyone who donated these gift cards! What a blessing!
We also went ice skating. (now you know why I'm having trouble getting over the jet-lag! LOL) Brighton LOVED it! I'm going to have to get a big guy to help me next time, or put a helmet and full body armor on him and let him go. I was WORE OUT! It was so worth it though, to see that grin and hear those giggles of delight.
Monday, July 02, 2007
Thankfully, David and the girls have been keeping things going smoothly and watching over Brighton when I've napped. I'm going to try to stay up ALL day today and not go to bed till 9pm. Maybe I'll even tackle unpacking my things today. Brighton had his bags unpacked and his room in order within an hour of being home. He was so cute organizing his room how he wanted it.
Brighton's birthday is coming up fast and I know I should be preparing for it, but I just can't seem to get things together in my head to plan a party yet.
Does anyone else have any advice on jet-lag???? It was so nice to hear from a friend who's been to China. She said that it took her several weeks to feel normal again, so at least I know I haven't lost my mind. LOL! I just feel like I need things to slow down a bit so I can catch up. Is it better to sleep when you can, or stay up and be miserable all day to try to sleep all night? Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated from moms who've been there, done that!
Love,
Tina
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Brighton has been just amazed by everything here. He was really scared of the dogs, but he's already used to them. His first night was unbelievable. He didn't want me to sleep in the bottom bunk, he wanted to sleep in his room by himself. The smile on his face and look of contentment when he first snuggled into his cozy bed with his memory foam pillow was priceless. He slept all night long and woke up smiling. He folded all of his sheets and blankets and put them at the bottom of the bed in the morning. At breakfast, he ate a bowl of cereal, fresh fruit, orange juice and a container of Wonton soup.
At 8:30 we went for his physical and blood work. He was a trooper and just smiled the entire time. Then we went to have his eyes examined. The optometrist told us that he has Retinitis Pigmentosa, which is a hereditary eye disease. He is losing his peripheral vision and could be blind when he's an adult. Most people with this disorder retain a small bit of tunnel vision throughout their lives. This discovery prompted us to start talking about the possibility of a cochlear implant. If he is going to be deaf and possibly blind, he will have to have some way to communicate as an adult.
Later, we headed to pick up his glasses, and he was in shock at how good he could see! He looks so handsome in them too. That night, when I told him it was time for bed, he went to bed with no problems. I went in to tuck him in and he held my hand and put it to his cheek. He snuggled in and fell asleep right away.
In the morning, his dad asked him if he wanted to go to archery practice with him and he was so excited that I thought he would bounce all the way there! He loved every minute of it and did really well. Everyone was so happy to see him. His sisters have been really enjoying him and love to help him.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Things here have gone wonderfully!!! Brighton is having the time of his life. It is exciting to see him experience all of this. It's a bit hard to get on the internet because he gets so impatient and wanders.
Yesterday, he tried me a bit, which was exhausting, but it is a wonderful feeling to know that he is comfortable enough with me that he's acting like a normal 9 year-old boy! He has picked up quite a bit of sign language already. His orphanage director said he doesn't like meat, but he's been eating EVERYTHING!
Yesterday was the medical exam. Everything went great, but he needs glasses. A family was sitting right next to us with big open sores everywhere and they told the doctor that it was spreading fast. We tried to scootch over without seeming disrespectful, then took a shower and changed clothes when we returned to the hotel.
Brighton is really helpful. He wanted to iron my shirts, but I was afraid he would burn them so I got out his pj's and he had a blast ironing them. He really loves french fries and noodles. He LOVES the pool!
We are going to go on a riverboat cruise today, then shop for Chinese silks and pearls. We will be going to the US Consulate tomorrow for the swearing-in ceremony, then flying home on Thursday. (Wednesday in the US)
Love you all!!!!
Tina
Thursday, June 21, 2007
~Charly
Brighton is just the most amazing little boy! He is so smart and learns things the first time you tell him. He is polite and holds doors for others, offers his gum to others and loves to help with everything. I had to tell him it was ok for him not to clean the hotel room. The second day here he was thoroughly amazed when we got back to the room and it was clean and the beds were made. He ran to the bathroom to see if it was clean too.
He is finally starting to not be nervous around me and hugged me this morning. It was really hard not to cry. He is so sweet. Every time I answer the phone, he wants to know if it's his dad. When I say yes, he waves hi.
We went to the mall the day before yesterday and bought many clothes, shoes, and a few games. He was so excited! When we went to Walmart Supercenter, he was throwing everything in the cart and I had to establish boundaries really fast and teach him to ask and what yes and no means. He had a lot of fun teaching me the games. We played a mean game of volleyball in the hotel room with a beach ball I took. It was so fun that we both fell on the bed laughing.
We are having trouble getting Brighton's passport. Can't elaborate, but please pray that we can get it today. We are supposed to fly to Guangzhou tomorrow.
Miss everyone!
Tina
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Beijing reminds me of Houston. Everyone smokes here, so it's hard to get used to smelling the smoke all of the time. The weather is nice. The other families I'm traveling with have been wonderful. They let me borrow their Panda Phone because mine was not delivered. Please pray that I will get that today so I can call David and the girls.
We are getting ready to go to see the Great Wall and the Forbidden Palace. I'm so excited that tomorrow I will get to meet our son!!!!!
Love,
Tina











